BLACK HISTORY

An Egyptian claims that the ancient Egyptians weren’t descendants of black Africans; they appeared out of a magic hat 🎩 . This gem of intellectual prowess manages to overlook science, history, linguistics, and, well, reality. But fear not, dear reader, we shall explore the depths of this absurdity with a healthy dose of sarcasm and just the right sprinkling of scientific facts. Buckle up—this is going to be a ride.

First, let’s all get on the same page. We’re about to dive into the magical world of DNA, the stuff that defines us as humans. Now, some people might think DNA is just a fancy acronym thrown around by scientists to confuse everyone, but it’s actually a bit more useful than that. You see, DNA contains markers called single nucleotide polymorphisms (SNPs), and these little guys are like the bread crumbs that lead us back to our ancestors. They don’t tell us whether your hair is curly or if you tan well in the summer; they’re just lineage markers—like genetic surnames. And just like in the real world, these surnames can tell you quite a bit about where your family came from.

So when people say, “Egyptians weren’t black or white,” what are they really saying? Are they suggesting Egyptians were a race of magical creatures that existed outside of the human gene pool? Because according to the science, there’s this thing called “inheritance,” where you get 50% of your DNA from your mom and 50% from your dad. The ancient Egyptians were very much part of that human process. And unless their parents were mythical beings from Middle Earth, they were a product of the same African ancestry that gave rise to humanity itself. Yes, the same Africa where we find the oldest and most diverse human genetic markers—markers that everyone, even those claiming otherwise, carries within them.

Now, let’s talk about the mental gymnastics behind the term “Eurasian.” It’s a neat little word that some folks throw around as if it has any biological weight. If someone born in Europe or Asia is “Eurasian,” and they travel to Africa, does their DNA magically stay “Eurasian”? And if all humans originally migrated out of Africa, at what point do these so-called “Eurasians” stop being African? Spoiler alert: They don’t. Claiming you can separate humans into neat geographic boxes like that is like saying, “I have Irish ancestors, but once I crossed the Atlantic to America, I stopped being Irish and became 100% corn-fed patriot.” It’s a mental construct, not a genetic fact.

Now, here’s the kicker: these so-called “Eurasian” ancestors carry African SNPs—little souvenirs from the original humans who left Africa. You can’t just erase African ancestry from European, Asian, or even Pacific Islander populations. SNPs like M168 and mtDNA L0-L7 have been passed down from generation to generation, quietly sitting in your genes like that embarrassing family photo no one talks about.

But wait, it gets better. You know how geneticists report subclades? They love to highlight the most recent markers, usually ignoring the older ones because they think we can’t handle the complexity. It’s like they’re offering us the McDonald’s version of genetic ancestry: “Congratulations, you’re North African! Please proceed to the nearest pyramids for your complimentary falafel.” Never mind the fact that your DNA also contains African, European, and possibly even Asian components. No, we’ll just focus on what’s trendy today. Keep it simple for the public, right?

And that’s where the confusion comes in. People get their DNA results and think, “Aha! I’m not African—I’m Eurasian!” But all that means is they have a recent marker from a group that migrated out of Africa. News flash: that migration doesn’t make the original African ancestry disappear. It’s still there, sitting quietly in the background like an ancient scroll waiting to be read.

Finally, let’s talk about subclades like R1b, the supposed “European” marker. Geneticists often assume that subclades originated where they’re most common today. But here’s a fun fact: Europe was covered in ice sheets for most of human history. Ever try surviving under a kilometer of ice? No? Well, neither did most humans. It wasn’t until the Holocene—just after those pesky ice sheets melted—that certain subclades expanded into Europe. So why do we assume R1b originated there? It’s an educated guess, not a certainty. Meanwhile, African haplogroups like E-M35 and mtDNA lineages have been chillin’ in Egypt for thousands of years, long before the first frostbite-riddled Europeans arrived on the scene.

And here’s the cherry on top: skin pigmentation. Around 9,500 years ago, white skin simply didn’t exist. It wasn’t until around 4,500 years ago that populations in places like Britain started to lighten up. So the idea that Narmer, who united Upper and Lower Egypt around 3,000 BCE, wasn’t connected to black Africans is about as historically sound as claiming that Socrates invented the iPhone.

To believe otherwise is to indulge in wishful thinking.