Wednesday 12 January 2022



In the early 90s, a Military Administrator (MILAD) was said to have gone on an impromptu inspection of schools in the state. At a secondary school, he made to test the knowledge of the students by asking a Form 3 student to tell him who wrote  'Things Fall Apart'. To his utter shock and disbelief, the boy went on his knees, burst into tears and started protesting his innocence. The obviously horrified chap swore that he never did and never would write such a dangerous piece of material.

Totally surprised and at the same time angry, the MILAD abandoned the boy and stormed into the Principal’s office, where he met what could pass for a disaster. The Principal started apologising profusely on behalf of the staff and students of the school and pledged to immediately fish out the author of the offensive document and punish him thoroughly. He admitted that his students were fond of writing such irresponsible scripts.

At this point, the astonished MILAD flew into a rage, walked out on the ignorant Principal and straight to the Ministry of Education, where he accosted the Commissioner.

“Your Excellency, Sir, let me start by apologising for the embarrassment the people of the state must have caused you. It is not unusual for such petitions to be written by some disgruntled elements, unhappy about not getting contracts from your Excellency, Sir. I will set up a panel to investigate the immediate and remote causes of the writing of 'Things Fall Apart'.

I cannot remember what the MILAD did or said to the Commissioner but I was told the guy was so furious - and justifiably so - that he declined dinner at home. And this was how the wife, Her Excellency, the First Lady, got involved.

After lamenting her husband’s stubbornness (because he declined her request to bring in a Pastor to pray for them for seven days and seven nights, when they first arrived the state!), she started praying and speaking in tongues. To her, 'Things Fall Apart' must be the most obnoxious petition ever written against a MILAD. She pleaded with her husband to join her in seven days of dry fasting to stop the masterminds of the wicked petition in their evil tracks.

The MILAD was totally embarrassed by his wife’s shining ignorance that he went to bed angry and hungry. He did not forget, however, to ask the CPS (Chief Press Secretary) to call in the media for a Press Conference the next morning.

Dressed in military camouflage, apparently to underline his anger, he launched into a tirade with the cameramen snapping away. Said he: “It is very embarrassing, to say the very least, that a Form 3 student does not know who wrote 'Things Fall Apart' ! To add insult to injury, the Principal does not know neither does the Commissioner. But I think the last straw is that my darling wife started praying and binding and speaking in tongues over petition writers, who she believed must have written 'Things Fall Apart'. I am totally shocked that in a state like this, with over 600 Professors, nobody can tell me who wrote 'Things Fall Apart', a masterpiece, written over 30 years ago by William Shakespeare"!

If you don't gerrit, forget abourit!

Author Unknown 

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