Few years ago my daughter had to leave from primary 5 at age 10+ to secondary school for many reasons I thought was okay. Sincerely, I think she is doing well to date.
2 years ago it was my son's turn(same age as both are born in March) and when the issue came up I dismissed it completely. More than half of his class left. I told him to have a nice time enjoying grade 6.
Last year he got into school and trust me the difference was clear. Let me pause and share the experience I have had with preteens and teens as I work with them professionally and privately.
I noticed that when we have trainings, some teens are lost in their own thoughts/world, distracted easily and many times staying away from others. They are the ones who misplace their materials, are unable to cope with tasks, forget easily and lack a sense of confidence expected at that age.
On further investigation, I realize that most (not all of course) of these children either didn't complete their primary education or went to school at a tender age. Again, not all, but most!
When my son got back from the first term in school, the only thing he misplaced was his bathing bowl and he kept whining about how he was going to find it. Meanwhile, I heard parents complaining/crying of how their children came back with empty boxes, why wouldn't they? They are immature for goodness sake.
My son got to school and stayed in school. Not one call for anything or any reason. That was strange as during my daughter's time I got a call almost every fortnight for one reason or the other. But remember she was "doing well" with her academic work(The poor girl was just not ready, that's the truth).
My point here is the concept of doing well should not be limited to "academic work", that is only one aspect of a child's life. How about emotions, confidence, spiritual, ability to withstand peer pressure? How about executive function skills?
A combination of all this will determine whether your child is doing well or not.
Let me also mention that without facilitators knowing my son they came with the same report after the teens Easter camp "that boy is so confident, stable, asks deep questions, etc". Funny enough, my neighbor said to me "Brian's confidence has greatly improved!". At this point, I began to give the whole thing some serious thinking. Was it that obvious?
I recently met a 10 year old who was accused of doing something he didn't do, another 9year old was laughed at for being an introvert unable to relate with peers, both of them began to get depressed and further enter their shell (but somehow maintained good grades). It took some investigation to discover what the problem was.
Some parents give me 1001 reasons why their children should be in secondary school at a tender age or why they should skip a class, then they ask me what is my reason for discouraging them. I have no reason actually because the child is yours but I always mention "the process of time". You can never frame it, or fake it, neither can you clone it. It either happens or doesn't happen, and the effects always show.
I know some parents will tell me their children finished school at 14 and are doing very well. But if we speak to the children in their absence you will see a deep need for something else, something more. Maturity comes with age and time. Allow your childen go through the process of time. Stop forcing your childen to grow up, there are negative effects.
How can an 11 year old be in ss1 with people who are 16 years old and you think she is doing well because she has straight A's. Older children are being bullied, how much more her? Most of these very young ones are so lonely you don't want to know.
You put your child through that stress and you brag about it? She cries herself to sleep almost every night but you are on social media showing off her awards.
May parenting ego not cause us to hurt these young ones committed into our hands to nurture.
Blessings!!!
©️ Etima Umeh
Responsible teens coach.
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